You're my little dorito
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
