my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
