Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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