no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
