he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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