do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
