Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
