Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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