But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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