Are we in a gay sports bar?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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