So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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