one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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