So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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