Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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