i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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