Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
