So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
