Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize