Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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