I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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