Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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