I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
They have beer where we have blood.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
