Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
someone owes me an orgasm
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
