WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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