She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
