He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
