why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
