Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
