I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sober January is a disaster.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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