i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
