one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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