Already got asked if we're dating
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize