This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize