This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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