Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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