That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
