My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize