mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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