Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
