You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I am spending my child support on dildos
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
