I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
