I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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