how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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