Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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