i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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