Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
