I love black thongs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
