just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
