what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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