I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize