I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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