would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
