I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
