Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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