He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
