Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
