I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
