There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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