I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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