I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
