hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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