Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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