He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
handjob tips. give me some.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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