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Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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