Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
