I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
